I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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