I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
