There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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