I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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