Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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