i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
