sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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