I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
