when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
