dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
