K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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