Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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