Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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