The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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