So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
