I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
