ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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