Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
