Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
