just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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