my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
