i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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