Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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