I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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