I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
