I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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