i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize