I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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