Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
