Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
