Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
