thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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