My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
