I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
