just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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