Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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