so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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