You're my little dorito
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
