I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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