I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
