Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
