I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
