your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
