yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
