note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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