You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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