you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
