you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
