I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
