We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
