Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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