dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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