you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
