Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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