A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize