I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
