Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
