Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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