cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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