Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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