sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
