Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
