I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
