update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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