k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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