I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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