just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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