I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
